This is a collection of stories written by various members of the family.

Baptist Distinctives

Some have said there are 5 Baptist Distinctives, some 7, 9, or even 13. I'm going with 13, except that I just added two more:

#14) Frosties from Wendys are ONLY chocolate. Don't compromise your doctrine with other flavors.

#15) Mashed potatoes and gravy are a food group all their own, designed to be cooked with precise, priestly instructions, since it is the only dish we have left resembling Old Testament manna.

The Dieter's Hymn

(to the tune of 'Mansion Over the Hilltop' and sung with a southern twang)
- Verse 1: -
I'm satisfied with just a salad below,
A little broccoli and a little kale.
But in that city where my waistline is fine,
I want a meatloaf, some 'taters and pie!
- Chorus -
I've got a pizza just over the hilltop -
In that great land where we'll never grow fat!
And some day yonder, we will never more diet,
But feast on chocolate and chicken-fried steak!
- Verse 2 -
Don't think me crazy, or even a hippie,
I ain't no vegan, just gettin' too fat.
I'm taking some weight off so I can start eating.
I want me some turkey, and a Christmas ham!
- Verse 3 -
Though often tempted, tormented and tested,
I'm on a diet, and I'm not giving up!
So bring me some lettuce and maybe an olive,
I'll pull it off this time - 'least 'till I wake up!
(Alternative Counter-point Chorus, to the tune of 'He Lives On High')
I'll eat some pie! I'll eat some pie!
Chocolate or maybe key lime!
Lemon Meringue, or Coconut Cream!
Some day I'm gonna be thin.