Baptist Distinctives

Some have said there are 5 Baptist Distinctives, some 7, 9, or even 13. I'm going with 13, except that I just added two more:

#14) Frosties from Wendys are ONLY chocolate. Don't compromise your doctrine with other flavors.

#15) Mashed potatoes and gravy are a food group all their own, designed to be cooked with precise, priestly instructions, since it is the only dish we have left resembling Old Testament manna.